Life As I Knew It…Changed

It really did…

Like everyone, I set goals at the start of this year and was kind of pumped to get things running—you know, ‘new year, new me’, that kind of thing. One thing I didn’t anticipate, though—or at least didn’t anticipate that happened quickly—was how literal the ‘new me’ would be for me.

Let me just cut to the chase and tell y’all what’s up.

TBH, I don’t think it really has sunk in yet, and it probably won’t until our ‘baby love’ arrives, but yeah. This small child of God is having a small child of hers.

In this post, I’m going to ruminate and reflect on my journey so far—what I expected and what actually happened, what I didn’t expect that DID happen, and how I’m feeling overall about entering this new phase.

Before I continue though, I need to express how much joy I’m feeling right now to be typing and writing. to you – whoever you may be. The past few months have been me writing in my head and wishing on the stars to open my website and click ‘add new post’.

You see, the journey to being ready to have kids wasn’t always a straight one for me, I went through different phases of – being ready – being not ready – all the fear of the unknowns. However, I knew I ultimately wanted kids – my husband and I talk about life with kids a lot.

Back to the gist, and a little T.M.I – I got off birth control sometime last year and in a bid to understand my body and my cycle, I religiously documented dates of period and ovulation – heck, I downloaded FLO app as a backup. I would compare my records with what the app estimated as my window and buy OTC ovulation/pregnancy test kits to match the records. Eventually, between me and Flo app, one of us was acting silly, and…something wasn’t adding up.  I decided to take a pregnancy test – more like six tests – different brands, haha, and they all turned out POSITIVE. Still in denial, I went to the hospital, did a blood test, and my OBGYN confirmed, etc.

And soooo the journey begins. 

The first trimester began. I wish I could say it was all butterflies, sunshine, and rainbows, but boy oh boy, the first trimester knocked me out—ha. I cannot describe it, but in short, see below.

I kept going to the gym and had the plan to be an active pregnant lady – but this lasted all for four weeks before morning sickness hit.

First, whose bloody idea was it to name this morning sickness??? Did someone miss the memo about what ‘morning’ means?

I did expect morning sickness—the type we see in movies where you run to the bathroom in the morning, feel a little sick, and that’s it. What I did NOT expect, however, was all morning, afternoon, and night sickness. Vomiting, lack of appetite, nausea, extreme weakness, and heightened sense of smell—I couldn’t wear any perfume, and my dear husband was banned from wearing it —guys, I was holding on to dear life.  It didn’t help that I had no bump. I just looked a tad bit bloated, still had my abs popping so it didn’t feel real that I was pregnant, I just felt constantly sick.

As I wrap up this post, one thing I’d say is that as much as it’s such a blessing to be able to conceive a child, society needs to normalize ‘hating’ pregnancy. I mean – I love this tiny human I’m growing with everything in me, but I really hated the first trimester of pregnancy – idk if that makes sense. On the other hand, to be normalized is loving pregnancy – I have come across some people who absolutely had an easy, breezy pregnancy. No sickness – none of that. What I also noticed is that these people sometimes feel ‘ashamed’ – for the lack of a better word– to express how happy they were with being pregnant just so they don’t seem insensitive.

The ability to give life to/grow a human being is freaking miraculous, and everyone’s feelings and experiences are very much valid.

Anyway, word on the street is that the second trimester is usually easier. I am currently a few weeks into the second trimester as I’m writing this post, and I am so looking forward to feeling a little less miserable, probably being able to get more exercise, eat better, and try to be healthy for baby and me!

I’ll catch you in my next post! Once again, congratulations to us all! – bumpdate below!

aht aht – I take that back.  I didn’t even have any bump in the first trimester so we’ll get back to this in second trimester diaries.